Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ladies don't puke and tell
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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