I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
