puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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