whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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