So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
