Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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