Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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