Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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