she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
