she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
