your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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