Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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