last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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