I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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