I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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