did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
