I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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