WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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