Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
