Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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