You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
pray to the hookup gods
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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