When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
