Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
