he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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