youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
