you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
