i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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