So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
