Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
