Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
