I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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