God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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