ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
