Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
