just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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