It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
