What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
