I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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