Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
