i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
