I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
