with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
