She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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