well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
