Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
