I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Someone signed my nipple.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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