Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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