I can't breathe out the right side of my face
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
