Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
