Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm passing your future prison.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
