everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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